The Tale of Barky McBarkerson

Our next door neighbors' dog barked for 40 minutes straight last night, starting at 11 and waking me from a wonderful just-fell-asleep-early feeling. He would stop for maybe two minutes, during which time I would start to drift off, and then he would start again. And then eventually his lapses lasted for a mere few seconds. Barkbarkhowl. Howlbark. Barkhowl. Howlhowl. Barkhowlhowl. For 40 minutes. Through closed windows and earplugs.

Here's what I thought:
"Kill. Kill. Kill."
"Will I get in trouble if I tranq my neighbors' dog?"
"How about if I open the gate and urge him to run free?"
"Do we have any hunks of meat I can soak with Benadryl?"
"Kill. Kill. Kill."

Eventually T, my hero, got up and went outside to tell the damn dog to STFU. We do this often, because our houses are so close together that Barky McBarkerson is all but in our yard. So his barks are our barks. Usually it's not late at night, though. Usually he has STFU'd by then.

He's a huge dog in a little house, so it makes sense that his owners leave him outside most of the time. What doesn't make as much sense is how little training they seem to have done for him. Plus, their work hours are irregular and so Barky McB is left alone a lot. He's pretty cute and pathetic, I'll admit -- his barks seem to cry "I'm lonely! Where are my humans? I miss them! Why am I all alone with these mean neighbors who tell me to shut up?" I might be anthropomorphizing just a tad, but that's what I'm hearing. He often sees us and comes up to the fence around his yard, sticking his sad little nose into the lattice opening, whining. We greet him kindly and remind him to be quiet, then we go about our business in our own house with our own dog, who is perfect.

Seriously, I can't help but feel a little smug about how well-behaved and quiet our dog is. She barks on occasion, sure, but last night as McB was singing his obnoxious song, Rosie just stayed curled up on her nest next to our bed, only stirring to come snuggle with me when T went outside to be the disciplinarian for our neighbors' dog.

Barky McB could take a cue from Rosie McSweetiepants.